Just checking on your heart

While enjoying dinner, a friend came to mind. I remember earlier this year my friend had experience some hurt. I pondered, what should I do? – should I send a message “just checking on your heart” or just let it be. I feared, what if this person is doing ok and my text remind them of the pain they had gone through. What if I don’t and maybe just now they need a shoulder to “cry on”, someone to remind them, you are not alone, even if you feel alone. I am here, if/when you need me. I was torn between the two.

Suddenly my heart was sadden as I also thought of a friend I recently lost, who had a heart condition. I recall viewing his status two night before he past away. He was sharing how he could not sleep, I said I would text later to check up on how he was doing since it was already after 1 in the morning. Unfortunately, I did not. I wish I did. What if? Would it had made a difference? I’ll never know. He was always checking up on me but I failed to return the favor. At work he spend his break time with me, he was always early for work and most times his first stop was to come and see me. I so looked forward to his hugs in the morning. An innocent and sweet soul he was, walking around with a lot of energy and happy spirit. No one would have guessed he had difficulties with his heart.

“People who need help sometimes look a lot like people who do not need help.” There is a popular saying “Check on you strong friend, your busy friend and your seems to handle everything well friend.”

The truth is, we can never really know what someone is going through by looking at them. Looks are deceptive. People can wear a smile as bright as the sun when inside feels like you are in a forest alone, bitten by a venomous snake. You felt the pain from the bite and you ignored it, you are badly hurt but you kept going. You need to stop and attend to the affected area but you didn’t and now it is swollen, the poison is spreading. After a while, you have gotten weak so you fell. It was too much. It was only a matter of time. No one sees what’s happening inside, your beautiful smile is shining, hiding it so well. A smile does not mean one is okay.

Can you imagine, this very person could be the person you always seek to run to for help. Because they are your “strong friend” you pour out your heart to them time and time again but never once stop to ask, “hi friend, how is your heart?”

Your “strong friend” need a “strong friend” too!
Oh no, he/she is fine, they don’t need my help. Plus there is nothing I can do.
How do you know? Did you ever tried? Have you check on them lately? How about you stand in the gap this one time.

There is a lovely song that I like: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2kaOkmJmxr0&feature=emb_logo

“I heard that you were hurting
That you were suffering pain
But I didn’t dare just turn my head
And look the other way.

For when your heart is aching
My heart is aching too
Let me help you bear your burdens
That’s the least I can do.

I’ll be standing in the gap for you
Just remember someone somewhere
Is praying for you
Calling out your name
Praying for your strength
I’ll be standing in the gap for you”…..

In the book of beginning we see where God said it was not good for man to be alone. (Gen. 2) You would have think Adam was fine on his own right? He had dominion, he was in charge. He was able to name all the animals by himself. However, God saw it necessary for him to have someone with him. It was needful for him to have a help meet. How are we any different? Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 tell us ” Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up.” Together is better so we can help to support each other. It shouldn’t be a one way street. I can call on you when I need you but when you need me Im no where to be found. I need you, you need me.

People need people. Whether we accept it or not. Even if you may like to be alone, lock away in your small corner. People are made for people. We need each other.

Had it been you suffering hurt, wouldnt you had like someone to check on you?

How about you check on your strong friends heart! Remind them that you care, encourage their heart. Let them know they still have a place in your life just in case they haven’t felt like it lately. Think about something they have done and let them know you appreciate them. Tell them something you admire about them. Highlight their strong area. How bad can it be? How much will it cost you?

Go ahead, share a kind word with a friend (love ones). You’ll be surprise how much they need to hear it and how much difference it makes.

Who am I to You

I Love the Love of the Lord and I Love His love for me.

One of the things I rejoice greatly about is God’s love towards me. Oftentimes I say to myself, If I was to choose one thing I’m sure about and never doubt it is the fact God loves me. Many questions – No doubts! Yes Jesus loves me. Yes Jesus Loves me. The Bible tells me so. 🙂 Not only have I read about it but I have experience it and I believe it.

There are days I get so tired of me. I think about what a mess I can be, the mistakes I have made. My flaws, many faults and the imperfections that I hate. God why? Why did this have to be this way and that way? Have you ever felt like this?

Ever so often I wonder: God, what could you really do with someone like me?? I mean, I am completely Your opposite. What could You possible see in me? Sometimes, its like I am saying to God with my actions, “If you know what I know, then You wouldn’t possible still choose me” lol Ridiculous, I know! I imagine, God must be shaking His head at these thoughts saying “Are you the All- Knowing One or I AM…” or “Dont be too hard on yourself.” “I desire you” (Gosh, these words are sweet to my heart). I choose you. *twirls* He still wants me.

Lord, please help me to see me through Your eyes.

I delight in the fact, me in all my “me-mess” does nothing to God’s unconditional love for me. God is love and that is just the way He is.

One songwriter put it this way, “Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God
Oh, it chases me down, fights ’til I’m found, leaves the ninety-nine.
I couldn’t earn it, and I don’t deserve it, still, You give Yourself away
Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God, When I was Your foe, still Your love fought for me…”

What manner of Man is this? How Amazing is His love.”You see the depths of my heart but You love me the same”.

“…Thou lovedst me before the foundation of the world.” (John 17:24). You knew me before I was formed in my mother’s womb (This thought always blow my mind). My mom and dad I believe was just having fun (possibly on her birthday in November) with no intention of having a third daughter 9 months later. I imagine both being surprised when they found out about the pregnancy. But God, You knew. While You were on the cross – You had me in mind. You looked ahead in time, You saw me, You choose me. My parents might had been surprised but You weren’t. You are intentional, the God who is always in control. They might not had plan but You my God, You had a plan and a purpose. I was given a name that gave me an identity in this world but You reminded me I am more than who I think I am, more than what the world says I am. Because I am Yours! I am a citizen of Heaven, the heartbeat of God, I am Royalty, Chosen, Set apart, Peculiar, Called, Holy, Righteous… I am who God says I am (Yes, I am HIS…#Masterpiece #Beloved #Bride). This is who I am. It matters not what the devil say, what others think, what I feel. If God said it, it is so, it is settled.

It is important you know, believe and accept who you are, not based on your thoughts and how you feel but according to who God says you are. Search the Word of God and make sure your word align with His Word.

Today (October 6), I celebrate another year with the Lord (Baptism in Jesus Name). The Day I said I will be Yours. I give myself to You. I belong to You. I wish I had been with Him all my life instead I was searching, but now I know there is none other like Him. I can truly declare “Lord, to whom shall I go?” Five years down eternity to go. Lord I thank You for loving me unconditionally. Undeserving but God. Lord I thank You for Your love. May my life declares it.

Please teach me Lord to love like You, I want to represent You well. Help me to reflect Your Unending love in the way I love others, that others may come to know you and Your beautiful Name be glorify.

Well Done!

Thinking back to kindergarten and remembering how excited we get when at the end of completing our work the teacher would give us a big tick, a star sticker or write the words we long to see “WELL DONE” in our notebooks.

It was always such a joy to show these off with classmates and family. *chuckles* I smile at just the remembrance. This motivated children then to work harder because we were working towards hearing Well done. Especially those little projects you got and you put extra effort in. How crushing it was for a child when their work wasn’t complete or “the dog ate my homework” so they didn’t receive the star or the big tick with “seen” and dated with Well Done!

I even recall the “star chart” created by teachers. You could see each person stars unfortunately some had none. The record was clear for everyone to see. It was hard for some not seeing those two precious words or being the one with many stars. Some were motivated to work harder while others gave up thinking it was just impossible to achieve.

We all experience this feeling at some point or another in our lives. You are not alone!

Lets look at it in the spiritual.

Some of us before being baptized already decided the Christian journey was impossible, some after being baptized thought “I wont make it” or questioned “what have I done”? We look on other Christians and think to ourselves their perfect and we become discourage. Persons even dare to compare with others ‘i cant be like him/her” so why bother? 

To be honest, I felt like this more times than I can count. I though of myself too much of a mess to be redeemed. I use to get sad wishing I was among those saved as a child. Matter of fact, i told myself I had done too much wrong and I don’t deserve to enjoy what heaven has to offer (a land flowing with milk and honey, a beautiful city,  spending eternity with a loving Savior) in spite of me desiring it. At one point, it was difficult to imagine myself being heaven-bound. When I looked at others I thought their more “fitting” than I am, their “star chart was shining” and I had none so obviously I am not doing a good job, I am not cut out for this. A friend once shared with me “comparison is for loser”. LOL! Being perfect was always at the front of my mind and I hated failing or being anything less. Why cant I be the one with many stars? Why? why? why? This word woke me up in the morning and put me to sleep at night. I have always been hard on myself. I wanted to be the best while believing the best was not for me. Pretty weird ha!

My basic school motto “Only the best is good enough” framed my thought in many ways throughout my life and I lived like this for years. I dislike competing and I try as much as possible in me to keep myself from anything that would cause me to fail or not be the best. Yeah, that’s right, i did not want to do anything. How unhealthy I was living for years without even knowing. 

But I am learning otherwise. I am so thankful to God for a renewed mind and His presence that makes a difference in my life. How much better it is when we see ourselves through God’s eye!

Truth is, we are all born in sin and shaped in iniquity. It is good to strive for perfection but I’ve learnt God sees us perfect where we are at. On the plus side God rather honesty above perfection. In our own strength we will fail no doubt. We must allow Him to work in and through us. If we were able to on our own, there would have been no need for a Savior and He would not have given us His Holy Spirit to be our Help. Why could I not see, there is nothing good in me by myself. How then do I expect to be perfect (sounds so silly now thinking about it). Clearly, we need Jesus! He is the only one that is perfect. We can not become perfect without the Source of perfection. We need Him to help us to be like Him.

I saw a post that read “Effort plus wrong tools equal no results”. Likewise, no effort plus the right tools equal no results. Something have to give. All that is needed He has provided, we are equipped and commissioned to do. How will you use what is given?

Do you want to hear Well Done??

Lets work toward it! 

“For the kingdom of heaven is as a man travelling into a far country, who called his own servants, and delivered unto them his goods. And unto one he gave five talents, to another two, and to another one; to every man according to his several ability; and straightway took his journey. Then he that had received the five talents went and traded with the same, and made them other five talents. And likewise he that had received two, he also gained other two. But he that had received one went and digged in the earth, and hid his lord’s money. After a long time the lord of those servants cometh, and reckoneth with them. And so he that had received five talents came and brought other five talents, saying, Lord, thou deliveredst unto me five talents: behold, I have gained beside them five talents more. His lord said unto him, Well done, thou good and faithful servant: thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord. He also that had received two talents came and said, Lord, thou deliveredst unto me two talents: behold, I have gained two other talents beside them. His lord said unto him, Well done, good and faithful servant; thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord. Then he which had received the one talent came and said, Lord, I knew thee that thou art an hard man, reaping where thou hast not sown, and gathering where thou hast not strawed: And I was afraid, and went and hid thy talent in the earth: lo, there thou hast that is thine. His lord answered and said unto him, Thou wicked and slothful servant…” (Matthew 25: 14-26).

I know you may be scared and discourage. Looking at the “star chart” of others have cause you to be intimated. Your lack of perfection had held you back. I cant do it the way he/she does it so I might as well not try. I am going to fail, I won’t be the best so I rather not. I’ll just hide away, stay in my own lane. They can do without my one talent, it doesn’t make much of a different anyways.

Just Stop!!! Don’t be that servant! 

God’s love for you is independent of you and as such, he desire you to be with Him.  Its not His will any should perish. “Well done” is not just for those with many talents, it is also for you with the one. Whether you have one, two or five talent is not as important as you having a talent and honoring God with that talent. Remember, we are not expected to be perfect in our tomorrow because we are not yet there. Focus on your today. Its not even about your idea of perfection but rather be faithful, be honest, be real. God knows you and He choose you with all of your flaws, fault and imperfections, you name it.. Comfort your heart with His trusted Word. Its up to us to accept God’s truth and trust in the fact He still choose you and it was not by accident or coincidence. 

We don’t need to focus our eyes on the many talents of others instead focus on God. And if we are going to be honest with ourselves there are some stuff that we really not good at, like me and dancing (I love to dance and if you ask me to I will but just know its gonna be horribly off if God aint moving these feet) and guess what? That is Okay! (I can say that now) I’ll dance for fun but trust me, Its not my calling.. 🙂 

The verse above tells us God gives us according to our abilities. It is our responsibility to use what is given. Seek to know why you were given your talent, then decide what you are doing with what you have.

It is important you understand the why so you don’t lose your way. The why will determine your what. When you understand the why you will be better grounded. You wont stop half way, strong wind will shake not break you, you will push pass it all to get to the end. The why is your driving force to the picture of what you want in the end.

Don’t be afraid, intimidated or discourage with what you were given. Had the man in the parable not buried his one, he would have possibly receive an increase as seen with the others. 

You with the one talent is able to give it your all. So do the best with what you have. Get to work! If you already buried it, if you are reading this, it means it is not too late. Dug it up! You still can have the best outcome. BUT……

Do you want to hear Well done?

If yes, What are you doing about it?

“WELL DONE, MY GOOD AND FAITHFUL SERVANT, ENTER IN….” These beautiful words from our Master awaits you!

“Excuse me”

Excuse me!

While meditating the thought came to me “Dont be the excuse someone is looking for”. Of course I could not let this pass by – I began to ponder some more on those words. “dont be an excuse.”

People tends to be full of excuses -some may seem valid while some there is really no need for it but some persons cant help themselves. It always seem to be a reason for not doing what we ought to. Guess it’s in our nature right??

So excuse me…. No more excuses

  • No more excuse you because you are human
  • No more excuses -more is required of you
  • No more excuses -you are the light
  • No more excuses -I want your presence to make a difference.
  • No more excuses -someone need you in order to be healed.

Just no more!!

As believers, we are the Light of the World. The absence of Light brings darkness. Our presence in the life of others make a world of difference. More than we can comprehend oftentimes.

Individually (does not matter your age,gender,height,weight etc.) we may feel so insignificant that we fail to realize that without us the world would not be the same. Think about it! You may not see it or feel it but look around you. Even in the “smallest” deed you did. You can change lifes with just a smile in a second. Wow! Can you imagine that, seem silly right. But its not. Look at it this way, Your smile in a moment turns someone day around for the better. Because of your warm smile they didn’t react badly to the next person they meet. So the next five person they meet, their day is not affected all because of you. 🙂 The train continues…. so with just a smile you can do so much.

Now let yourself meditate on other ways you can influence someone, tap into the real you. Do you even know how much is in you? Not to mention, as believers, the Person within (The Greater – The Great I am, The King of kings, All sufficient God, The undefeated Champion) A King is in you in the Person of the Darling Holy Ghost. I love this Man!! 🙂 We can’t allow our feelings to get to our head where we fail to see the facts and lose faith.

Sometimes we struggle in such a great way that we react negatively. I know this oh too well but no excuse. We experience season of hurt and severe pain, and we know hurting people hurt people. But recognize that the pain and hurt you go through today wont necessarily be there tomorrow. What are you going to do when the pain is gone and the hurt ended but you already create a mess for your tomorrow for you to live in?? You have the power in you… you must decide will you react because you feel bad or respond so your tomorrow is better.

Believe it or not, you make a difference at home, at school, work, at church, in your family, whereever you are and whatever you do. Every pieces of the puzzle is needed for the big picture to be complete. Who you are is like a missing puzzle. The real you is needed to make the picture what it ought to be.

Go on a journey with me — think about one small deed you do on a regular and imagine how different, chaotic things would be had you not contributed in this area. And even if others do the same thing, without a doubt, however hard they try -no one does it the way you do.

You are important! Someone is counting on you. Who you are, even what you go through is the help a stranger, acquaintance, friends or family need to survive their hard time. In Luke 22:32 Jesus said to Peter “…..when thou art converted, strengthen thy brethen.” You have not come to grip with who you are yet but when you do… your brother need you, the person you pass at the gate “beautiful” need your help to “rise up and walk”. A household need to be saved. Yea, I know you messed yourself up badly but you can be washed, I know you deny Him and people are aware of it but you can believe again. What ifs, maybe if, how could I plague your mind but no more excuses. You are forgiven and I need you with all your “you-ness”.

  • Dont let it be a person condition is worsen because you fail to play your part and take them to the hospital sooner. “Everyday them see me and walk pass”
  • Dont let it be your family and friends continue walking in darkness because you were walking beside them instead of lighting the way for them to⁷ get out. “Mi nah come a church because…”
  • Dont let it be that your hurt cause you to wear the wrong robe when your Father design a robe with each stitches made from unconditional love to clothe you with. “Mi a human tu weh expect mi fi do when….”

An available vessel is needed to birth something wonderful that will bring great Joy, peace, kindness, goodness, gentleness, patience. Love, you name it. Salvation! Will it be you? A gift to all people.

Dont lose sight of who you are and Who you belong to. If you do then you only will be filled with excuses. Excuse me please dont have to be words you live by. While others may be looking for excuses as for you, you have to decide that you wont be the excuse someone is looking for.


Choose ye this day!

What time is it??

If someone is to ask you, what time it is? It is highly possible you will provide them with your time, isnt that so?

My time right now is 5:45pm but for someone in say, Connecticut it would be about 6:30pm or another in London it would also be different. Does it mean then my time is wrong?? Absolutely Not!

Will the time always be 5:45?? Definitely not!! Two hours from now will not be 5:45 P.M, your time now will not be the same as later.

So then, what time do you want it to be??

Think about that for a while!!

There’s a very popular saying “I’m waiting on the perfect time” for some, “it’s not the right time” or ” in time I will.” Excuses!! Excuses!!

Many persons fail to understand their control in “setting” the time. It doesn’t have to be automatic, there is a manual setting! Take control won’t you?!

  • One of my strength is that I am strong will (also my weakness). I believe in giving me what I want. It’s a challenge for me to accept limitation. I hate confinement in most instances -99%. Circumstances is not something I allow very often to restrict me (which is where my weakness comes in). You can say I am somewhat spoilt more so by myself. Even if I don’t deserve it, I want it! But control is important.

Another “excuse” we find, especially with most Christians is that “Im waiting on God”. An excuse! How can waiting on God be an excuse? Well, that’s exactly how I see it. The truth is God won’t do for us what we can do for ourselves. So “waiting on God” has become a means of just being lazy, so u can be “laid back” and then say “oh, I’m trusting God to come through for me”. The Holy Spirit is given to help us. We have to do our part!

In a case where you have work in the morning, if you decide to wait on a vehicle but only stand at the bus stop, without getting in the vehicle, will that take you to your desire destination? No! You are required to do something. Mere desire (is a good start but) is not enough, you must do! The mind and will is connected in that, if the will does not consent to what’s in the mind, it will not be done! The mind conceive but your will put action in place.

I particularly like Psalm 30:5 “For His anger endureth but a moment; in His favour is life: weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning” Persons tend to quote the last part of the text in their difficult times to remind them a day is coming when pain, hurt and struggles will stop (Joy comes in the morning). As a result they wait. Why?? Why wait on the morning for joy when you can choose today?? You can decide if now is your morning, your time for joy! If it takes 9p.m. for your joy to come, go for it. Refuse to allow your Joy to be determined by circumstances.. Others cannot set your time unless you give them the control.

Right now in this moment, what time do you want it to be???

What is that one thing you need but you are waiting on the “perfect time”?

The decision is in your hand. Just do it.

Set your time now!!

Finding Me…

Sometimes this week, I was traveling home from work, and I was thinking about me… Where I’ve been,where I want to be, in a nut shell who am I? These thoughts lingers even more as my birthday approaches. 

I love the song that says “when I look back over my life and I think things over.. I can truly say I’ve been bless, I got a testimony” And man do I have a testimony!!

I wish numerous time that there was a video clip of my life,that I could just show others,so there could understand but my words will have to do.

Take a look back with me…#FindingMe

I am a bit crazy sometimes (good crazy). Lol! Every year after my birthday I say I won’t celebrate the next but I’m too me not to. My birthday which is actually a birthweek has to be celebrated. Excited just thinking about it!

As I sit reflecting on my previous birthdays. Word is not enough to say how thankful I am to be here today. My 26 birthday!! Why??? First let me go back to my 11th!

On my 11th birthday I got baptised at Church of the First Born, Victory Gospel Hall. I always like celebrating that.After my 17th birthday, I had “slide back” due to lack of understanding, low self-esteem (me!! low self-esteem, yep), the need for a sense of belonging and above all Love! As a result, later that year I started messing up myself for the next 6years smh (Sex partying everynight (sometimes sunday-sunday), drinking, smoking, gambling, deceptive, cheater not to mention I was never comfortable in clothes-something had to be revealing).

In 2012, I recall and never forget my sister telling me “Nadz, im going back to church ennu but I’m not leaving you” I thought about it and it lingers, I desire to but I had just started a relationship I wasn’t ready to give up “for church”. 

In that same year I remember the words of my best friend when he told me I was wasting my life. It was said with such aggressiveness, I strongly believe if it was done otherwise would not have shake me. I started trying to get rid of some stuff “on my own” then.Later that year into 2013 my church visit was getting regular. 

On march 3, I remember as though it was yesterday, my hair braided and “ketch”to the back in my black dress. (I remember where I sat and who I sat beside). It was time for the preacher but he ask his wife to sing. And then those words came, it was like it was the first it has been so real “Amazing Love, how could this be You my king has die for me…it’s my Joy to honor You in all I do I Honor You” I started thinking about that Love and wanted to live by those words. This song couple with IACB -Cover Me has been my inspiration!!

With this desire to Honour God I started wondering where I should fellowship. For one I did not want to go back to my previous church-I was mad mostly at the young persons there; I had a hard time accepting “why me??” Why did I have to leave and live the life I did while they remained?? 

On April 7,2013 I visited my friend church.Oneness Pentecostal Church (Apostolic). I find it strange how much I remember this day-The Bishop was preaching from James.. She touch on temptation, our mind, will and emotions. The service was so long lol but I enjoyed every bit of it.I was surprised I didn’t mind, (my friend that visited with me did though). The testimony service, the clapping, the marching, the way the children worshipped (I was amazed). I admired their look  (different than I looked then) and I wanted that look! Still weighting my decision, this was where I wanted to be but thought I was too different plus the distant is too far. So I stayed home!

I became a regular visitor! In October 2014, I started thinking of  making OPCA my home. To be honest, I didn’t like my desire. I felt ungrateful. I prayed against the desire thinking it might have been the result of something else or a means of running away. And OPCa shortly became my go to place, I wanted to “skull” school to be at their bible study, I love that prayer meeting wasnt the usual. The standard I’ve observed was heart warming. *They was a magnetic force pulling be there* My heart was there! 

On August 12,2015 (my birthday last year). I was in the position to make the biggest mistake of my life. All I could think was like Joseph “How can I do this great wickedness and sin against my God” my future flash before me..(My future home (Oneness), The Pastor and Bishop,I thought what if? Tho weak I was strengthen! Where I’ve been and challenges I had (mostly emotionally) I knew, I couldn’t go back to that place. I felt like I was fighting a losing battle. I was plague with “Nardia, you are so Stupid, it’s all your fault. Why is this happening again? Something is obviously wrong with you” My past and presence became insignificant and my future was before me. In this moment the desire I was wrestling with became definite! It’s done…

God has a plan for me and I want it.. I going to do whatever it takes. The story of Abraham came to me.. In Genesis 12, when he was ask to leave his home.

I too believe God has called me to leave home to where He desire me to be. Oneness Pentecostal Church (Apostolic). 

October 6,2015, I remember laying in bed wondering if I should go to Church (OPCa). By the time I got ready to leave I heard there would be a baptism (I quickly grab extra clothing). On the over a hour journey there I wonder what to do. “Nardia, u can’t. U won’t” I kept telling myself.. I stopped and prayed “God if it’s Your will allow someone to come to me” Before the end of yp, the usher called and ask if I was the one being baptized. I ignored God answer to my prayer for a while but before the end of the night I was baptized in Jesus Name (The Name with Power and Authority, The name that’s above all name, the name at which every knees shall bow). On October 22,2015, the Lord showed His favor towards me by making me His dwelling place. Filling me with His Spirit! Oh that sweet day!!! I’m forever grateful..

Has it been easy?? I believe I have harder days ahead and even now there are days I cry “Lord, bow Your ears to me”. Some challenges arise where I wonder “God, this is it” Like the Hebrews boys “I know (without doubt) God is Able to deliver me but even if (Lord, please come through) but even if… It doesn’t change Him being God because He is the Unchanging One! [God Can and He Will] whether it’s easy or Hard is not important as knowing God Can!!

Yesterday was the best birthday yet.. Why?? 

Because God is Faithful, He is Intentional!!! 

It is great Joy for me to celebrate not just another year of life but I rejoice that i can celebrate the death of the old me.. A lot of persons expected me to be out and about but no one will truly understand how much it meant to be at church yesterday. Just being there!!?!! I am in my right crazy mind. It’s a privileged to be His today!! Im saved!! 

Ofc I’m grateful for all the wishes but nothing beats knowing I’m loved by Him, my good good Father who’s perfect in all His ways!! 

I am _HIS_ #God’masterpiece



My Church recent Bible Study topic was “Have Hope Amid Despair”

Funny enough it was the night before (Wednesday) I was at home communing with God on my desires and waiting to share with a close friend of mine. 

Many of us are familiar with the question we normally get on interview of any kind “What are your goals for the next five(5) years?” or “What are your 5-10 years plan?”. While I had answer this question a few times, I had never really thought about it with interest of accomplishing set goals, but merely as a means of responding to the question.

Of lately, I have been thinking a lot about my desires and means of achieving them.

In my earlier years, I remember thinking, I am not going to waste my time and money going to school, saving money and all of that, because God is coming soon and I just want to make it in. A great fear of  mine was that; I’ll spend all my money going to school, stressing and at the end God comes and it would be of no use. This was my thought at age 16 and so I didn’t even express interest in furthering my education, I only wanted a job then so I could be “independent”. But why settle for mediocrity!

Matthew 7:11  (NKJV) – “If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!” 

Do you believe that the Lord wants us to live below means (like the worst)? Oh no..

Do you know of any royalty that live ordinary lives?? I don’t

I am peculiar, royal. I am His Masterpiece, handpicked by the Creator Himself. Purpose, chosen vessel, I am the dwelling place of the Holy Spirit of God, an expressed image of the Creator..I am a priest and a king ordained of God by Christ to rule here on earth. I have to represent well…

As such I don’t believe I should live a mediocre life! My Father want to give me the best, it’s up to me to ask. Hence I hope… 

Above all… I hope to be ready when God returns, I hope to hear “Well done, good and faithful servant”. I hope to be a reflection of God in every way. I hope to make Him smile daily, trusting in His words, walking in obedience..Consistently!!

But I would be lying if I said that was all I hope for. 

I hope;…

to be successful in this life; operating my own businesses in a year; owning houses (yes,houses); I hope to be driving my Honda Civic (this is somewhat my dream car) also in a year, not to mention…

I hope to married The Guy of my dreams(no…Not any guy! The one that I am his future rib, he love God with everything he is and is not as such his love for me is a reflection of that..(Husband love your wife as Christ love the church.. Not many guys understand that), the one I grow with Spiritually,Physically, Emotionally.

Spiritually – we pray, fast, read, praise and worship together! This without a doubt strengthen connection

Physically- while some woman want a guy that have it all which is ok, I would like if he dont.. *weird right* but I would love us to build a house together (For me there is something about building a foundation together). 

Emotionally- we understand and support each other. And there is this unexplainable bond we share. Our love for each other will reflect Christ and usher persons to desiring and experiencing God’s unconditional love. Our marriage will Glorify God! So yea…we’ll be best friend, prayer partner, business partner…! Sounds unreal.. Nah, he’s out there somewhere! 

But don’t fail to understand that while this is my desire.. #MyHope! If it’s not what God desire for me I don’t want it!! My hope is in God. In the above scripture it said clearly God knows how to give good gifts. I think what I want is best but guess what? I’m limited in knowledge and God is all knowing. 

I’ll do what I must(play my part) to achieve what I desire but at the end of the day if God say No I’ll walk away.. And I hope you too will pursuit what you want and refuse to live a mediocre lifestyle when clearly you have so much in you to give..

I believe when we fail to do our part we hinder many others from accomplishing their goals. Simple because we fail to realize our impact/role/responsibility. My hope is not only to benefit me but someone out there, that I hope with impact someone else…onward! I hope to be the best me for someone that need me.. And I hope for you to be the best you for someone that need you!

PS. Not because you hope for earthly things means you think less of heavenly things. 

While you hope for things here on this earth, one should never forget to “seek He first the kingdom of God” and hold to His true promises..

Hope today… Hope though in God!

Promoted in Prison

Scriptural Reference: Genesis 39:9b

While studying for my Old Testament exam, I came across this line “promoted in prison” and it really struck me. I haven’t stop thinking about it since.

In the natural a promotion in prison sounds ridiculous, a bit unreal. Possible, you only find that in movies.

In the Spiritual however we know that with God all things are possible. We have seen this clearly in the story of Joseph in the book of Genesis and some may even experience this in their personal life.

Most persons are familiar with the story of Joseph, the dreamer… Jacob’s Favorite son, the one he gave the coat of many colors… He was chosen by his father…We see where this cause his brothers to be jealous to the point they sold him… (being chosen, favored does not mean you won’t have opposition).
Joseph had big dreams one could say but here he is being sold into slavery by his own brothers… If I was Joseph I would be thinking my dreams were just dreams and it’s staying as that.. It must had been hard to have but a little hope while in that situation.
Just maybe I would have forgotten about my dreams if I was lied on and thrown in jail.. It would seems as though my dreams had gotten me in this situation so hey, why not just forget it..
But for Joseph he recognize the God he served, God was real to him and so he had hope…
Being in jail with two others possibly was not enough, it was distraction from really communing with God.
Most times God have to take us out of company of others for us to get to that place He wants us…for a revival, for a relationship we have to break some things in our lives. Sometimes, we have to be in prison for our promotion to come.
Joseph knew what he wanted and so (before he was thrown in prison) because his desire he cried How Can I… How Can I.. How Can I do such great (not small) great wickedness and Sin against [MY] (He did not say the God of my Abraham, Isaac and Jacob but rather my) God.. He had a relationship, he recognized and feared God!! Who is God to you??

Another part of the story of Joseph that I love is that in prison Joseph humbled himself. Joseph could have argued his case. After all, he ran. Here is a man desiring to live right, live Holy as Christ is Holy but instead of having it “easy” he was “persecuted” and what’s even more amiable about him is that we later saw that no form of bitterness was found in him. How many of us can be in a situation we deem the worst and not so much as blame others,ourselves or cause bitterness and doubt to be formed in us?? We find it hard to believe that we are in the will of God when persecution comes.

Joseph response to his brother is a good example for us. It’s one worth following! Of course, it’s gonna be difficult. Forgiveness is a lot harder than it sounds. Hard but not impossible. It all comes down to the relationship we desire to have with God. The truth is when God is real, like really real to us and we want to lavish our love on Him then it will be reflected in our relationship with others. It becomes easier because it is apart of us. (Forgiveness is a lifestyle)

Lord I don’t want anything to be found in me that will hinder me from being in your presence, anything that will not bring forth good fruit. GOD, will You cut it from the very root. God I want to reflect You in everything that I do, say. Everything that I am… may it be a reflection of You!

In Prison but your Promotion is coming, Still Stand!!!

Exodus  14:13 “But Moses told the people, “Don’t be afraid. Just stand still and watch the LORD rescue you today. The Egyptians you see today will never be seen again.” -NLT

#OnlyLiving? #HolyLiving!

Its not about ‪#‎OnlyLiving‬ but ‪#‎HolyLiving‬
Holiness is standard!!!
‪#‎wiser‬ ‪#‎better‬

I cant understand and I really dont want to.. Why Christian believe they ought to be so rebellious!! If u cant abide by the standard of your church why dont u just leave and go somewhere that stand for less holiness if that’s what you want!!
Do you realize that you are going against God when you raise a standard against who He set incharge…
Ahh… these STUPID thoughts *its what’s I like, this is what im comfortable with* like seriously!!!!!!
Read your Bible again!!
whoever will come after me, let him DENY himself….
Its no longer I that live but Christ!!
If my Bishop says no movie theater then guess what its no movie theater(no reason needed).. But Nardia loves the movies well nardia it aint about you no’mo so if you want watch movie u better get comfy on that couch!!!!!!!
Nardia loves jewelry but my church says no jewelry sooo none (how I wish my 10piercing would disappear!!!), u wearing pants…and happily disobeying rules. Smh!!
Sighzzz!!! God, I wish I could get everything right all at once..But while im getting it right… Known rebellion will not be found in me!!! Please correct me if im doing wrong but I wont let anything mess with my anointing!!!! I jus cant allow it..

Holiness is always a requirement!!! Holiness is the standard and it all comes down to… Do you desire holiness???
Yes ive failed and done wrong but God, I want to be Holy Right Now, I love you too much and long for Your presence more than any other to not be in need of Holyness!!
I love my church Oneness Pentecostal Church (Apostolic) OPCA(my home before officially my home) and its never changing standard ‪#‎Holiness‬.
And I looove my Pastor and Bishop P.C Webber no doubt of her anointing, who stand for God n daily ushering us into right living.
As such I live to please Him… walking in obedience and by the second seeking holiness!!
I dont want to be getting ready… I want to stay ready! #Holiness ‪#‎longing‬‪ #‎standard‬
get it right wont you!!

Are you going to press in 2016??

Sitting here wondering what the new year holds. I know all around many people might be wondering as well. Some more than others.

Thinking over my life for 2015 and it got me thinking about New Years Resolution, this was not something I usually do! I normally just do whatever. But for the coming year the New Year Resolution I see myself wanting to make is this…. #Pressing!!!

Phil 3:13-14 KJV -Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.

In 2015, I started out with focusing on growing in prayer, and was led by the Lord to do so with a prayer partner, who was also my closest friend. This started out with great joy. Prayer time was set for 11:30.p.m, praying for 30 mins or more. This as soon became the best part of my day, I always looked forward to prayer-time, I set my alarm @11:15 where most times I would get my mind ready for prayer through songs or reading. I had my prayer lists (persons that I pray for on specify nights). I had a prayer circle that gave structure to my prayer. And before the ending of each prayer My prayer partner was presented before the Lord. Most night at the end of prayer we share scriptures or encouragement.

I was really amazed by my growth in this time, I felt stronger in prayer, I wanted to pray more because I was becoming confident in prayer, I felt change, connected with God. Also what amazed me was how my Spiritual eyes began to open. Feeling of this nature is indescribable! I also felt connected with my prayer partner, it was as though without being informed if he did not pray a night I knew it because during prayer I did not felt his presence praying with me. I find this to be amazing but at the same time it was scary. I realized God was taking me somewhere, a higher level you can say and I didnt know how to react to it. I didnt pray for about a week because I disqualified myself being used by God and I stop pressing as I ought to.I always ask God to make me available and say I want to be used but my past was ever before me.

It was as though I was going uphill with a rock stuck between two walls and I keep pushing it before me instead of jumping over and leaving it behind. It wasnt until later in the year I decided i am not going to wait on the rock to get out of way, I am not going to wait on someone or something to come on the opposite side to push that rock on me to let me fall and bring me back to the ground.. I am not going back and so I moved from the position I was in and I jumped over,(leap of faith). With me on the other side it wont be able to run over me or harm me but instead I am in a better position and control. This decision though hard is the best I have made.

Jumping over was not as easy as it may sound… my foot wasnt long enough, and so I needed help getting over. So I start to wonder how will this be done! Should I really do this. How will I get on top of the rock and how will I get over without cut and bruises, I wanted to get to the other side but unsure and scared. The walls have close in and it seems as though it was just the rock and I. My Strength was gone and I became weak, I wondered, doubt and fear came in and so I stop fighting until i realize i sought the wrong source. My source was not God but rather one who depended on God. In the moment I looked up and realized my strength was what made me weak, it was then I gain true strength from God and was able to jump over.

One would have taught things would now get better but not quite so… Here comes the process!! Jumping is like the beginning. *When going uphill, its never good to take anything of much weight, it only make it harder.* Hence, you have to let go!! Lay aside every weight, everything that will slow you down, every hindrance to your goal. As Christians, as humans we hold a firm grips to things we have in this life. Sadly, sometimes we hold on to the things we should let go and let go what we need. I know!!!

Sometimes our life take turns we did not expect, the things we desire take longer to achieve and changes happen sooner than you think they would but “A delay in making a now decision to change your life is a change that just might never happen”. Dont let the unexpected stop you from making changes, sometimes you are losing out on the best for you and then you are left wondering. The decision you did not make yesterday stopped you from getting what you desire tomorrow.

As I am now over the rock and have let go of the weight of the past. No longer scared, doubtful or disqualifying me but instead trusting God, waiting and anticipating what He has in store. #UBERexcited. I made the decision to press in prayer, press in the reading of word, press in fasting. I want the best tomorrow and so today I am pressing toward the mark, I want the price., comes what may. “..I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.”

Thus my New Year Resolution is to #Press… being consistent in prayer, feasting on the word, and focusing on growing spiritually, enjoy loving God and being empowered by the Holy Spirit…(Seeking Him first and all else will be added) and in accordance to the word of God… Matthew 19:18 -KJV “Again I say unto you, That if two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven.” With my prayer partner and I agreeing I believe it will be granted in Jesus All-Powerful,Mighty,Sweet and Wonderful Name!! 🙂 #Expecting #Anticipating #aMoveofGOD

Do you love H(h)im??

“If your partner cheats what would you do?” Human Response to this question for some is to leave and remain single, some would forgive and some might have want to cause harm to that person. This led me to the amazing story of Hosea. I love this story mainly became it speaks to Christ love for me!

It is of utter importance to seek God sincerely, deeply, before getting into marriage especially to avoid mistakes, divorce and everything that could go wrong outside of God’s will. Back to the story!

In Hosea, we find where he was ask to married “a wife of whoredom”(prostitute), as though that wasn’t bad enough, he married her and have her as his wife but she left him and cheated and went back to her old lifestyle. It didn’t even stop there, the Lord told him to go get her… 😮 say what, yeah exactly!! lol

So to the question of what would I do if my partner cheated, i would exercise that attitude of Hosea. While it is not a sin to divorce i think this is the best attitude to display especially for someone like myself who have been in the situation, in need of forgiveness!! I was like that woman giving myself to the things of this world but GOD but God but God… HE came for me, He rescue me and gave all I ever needed but somehow I was blinded by the things the world offered. I was unfaithful to Him but He bought me for more than I was ever worth.

It would be wicked of me not to forgive my partner, it would be as though I have forgotten all Christ have done for me..

Luke 7:47 King James Version (KJV)

47 Wherefore I say unto thee, Her sins, which are many, are forgiven; for she loved much: but to whom little is forgiven, the same loveth little.

I love the line in the song that says “I can forgive much because of how much I have been forgiven” And so when i think and look back at where Christ have brought me from, I was exposed to the world and HE covers me with His Glory, He clothes me with HIS Righteousness. Oh Sweet Jesus!! Keep Reminding me Jesus of where You have brought me from less I forget your goodness, you mercy, your unending and amazing Love, remind me Lord!!!! I am soooo Unworthy and to think i was called out, chosen by GOD. WOW!!!!! the Love Christ has for me is just mind blowing.

I know we are not saved by good works but sometimes i wish they was some way of really showing God how much what He has done means. Yea, He knows all and sees our heart but.. ahhh I just wish, I just want to please Him to a great extent. I want Him to always be please with me. I want to be perfect!!! I desperately need to be HOLY!!! I want to be like YOU LORD!!! To has such an experience with forgiveness from God, I dont know how I could not forgive others.. I just have to!!!!! I have to show this same love that was given to me. I want to forgive and love in such way that others feel how I feel when I think about how I am forgiven. This is the way I want to reflect Christ.

No-one is worth my anointing, I cant afford to let anyone mess up or get in the way of my anointing, of me experience God on a new and deeper level, to experience a greater joy and satisfaction in God, to be free in His presence. Oh not at all, how can I be that silly.

You want to test me by cheating, you go right ahead.. Imma keep loving you, once its in God’s will to stay with you best believe i aint even gonna question it, imma walk in obedience, walk in love. I know I wont go back to the market place.. God have already bought me back for more than I am worth…clothes me with righteousness, found favor enough to fill me with His Sweet darling Holy Ghost..

God you so sweet!!!! I just love You. I cant wait to truly experience Your presence. Oh what a day, I can only imagine!! JESUS JESUS JESUS!!!! Amazing.. I want to be closer to You. Your Love is Extravagant, Your friendship it is intimate!!


Lord give me YOU (U)

So here I am at minute to two after waking up from my nap, thinking-so i taught ill do some writing. I woke up with this song on my mind, “Lord, give me You”. I am familiar with the words of the song but somehow this is replaying in my head like this was all i could say. Lord give me U. I got to thinking. We are so short handed that we replace the You with U. Lord, give me U!! I remember my Bishop mentioning something to this effect at our last prayer meeting.

In replacing the You with U its feel as though we are  saying “Lord, Ill take that part but ill do without the other” Give me Your riches but take Your suffering, I dont want the death but give me the resurrection. I wont fight but give me the victory. I wont run the race ill just wait at the finish line. We seek God Hand but not His heart.

“Everything else can wait” is the next line to the song…but how true are these words to us.  *thinking* no wonder i could not pass the first line. Does my heart really say everything else can wait… Am i just seeking the hand of the Lord or am i desperate for the heart of the Lord. Reflecting on my though process over these last few days, months even. While i am in great desire for growth in the Lord, I cant stop thinking about the guy i want to married, the job i am desperately in need of, wanting to be in a comfortable home, possibly on my own-where i can fall on my knees before God anytime, anywhere without distraction and just screams Jesus Jesus Jesus as many times as i want as loud as I want without being in others way, being financial stable so i can buy the food i want, the clothes i want, cater to my needs and my family needs, give back to those who have given to me so i am not “obligated” to them and being in the position where i can be the one helping others. I believe these are good intentions so of course i hang on to them…

But I believe God is asking can all of what you desire wait??

My Child, You heart is aching but are you willing to stop think about the guy you are madly in love with for me? Will you allow your heart to ache for me?? Think about me!!

My Daughter, I understand your need for a Job because of your situation, your need for comfort and being satisfied but cant you praise just as much in this unfortunate situation, wont you praise me better, don’t you believe I can satisfy you??

Can everything wait while you seek my heart not just my hands.. I have so much in store for you but seek me… When you seek my heart no matter what you wont turn away, when you seek me you will be satisfied with so much more, when you seek me no one can take away your Joy, you will be secure in my unconditionally love.. Y [O] U, dont push away my love, dont seek only what you believe you desire… Dont just desire the (U) but rather (YOU) the all inclusive!!!

Lord give me YOU…. Everything else can wait!! Jesus I am desperate for all of You. Help me to forget about my desire so i can have what you desire for me…. Lord, will You give me Your heart. I am desperate for You JESUS and I realize where my desire for the things of this world is in close alignment to my desire for You which should not be. I cant do it on my own of that i am sure so will You help me to get it right!!

It is only with Your help Jesus I will be able to kill my flesh, break my desire so I can have you!! Take me to the next Level Lord.. I want to truly declare “Lord, give me YOU…… Everything else can wait” Everything that is not of You can wait on your timing. Sweet Jesus give me grace for this even now as Your grace is all I need!! Lord I love You and I thank You for Your Love thats never ending.. Thank You for surrounding us with Your Love __ [Y(O)U] #Amazing God Your are!! I pray and ask for your continuous strength In the name that has all power and authority, IN JESUS NAME!!! :* :* #Thinking outLoud #EarlyMorningMedz #LordgivemeYOU #Desire #moreofYou #killmyflesh